


Resolved

by odiko_ptino



Series: Featured Character: Artemis [3]
Category: Greek and Roman Mythology
Genre: Gen, tw: body dissociation, tw: transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 22:10:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17030913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odiko_ptino/pseuds/odiko_ptino
Summary: Siproites accepts Artemis' gift and makes a decision about her future.





	Resolved

Siproites isn’t the sort to complain.  She’s cheerfully content with her lot in life, and happy to go along with everyone else.

And really, what is there to complain about here?  She has everything she has ever wanted!  Lady Artemis is very fond of her, in spite of the shocking way Siproites introduced herself. It is by Lady Artemis’ grace that Siproites is able to be her truest self, and it’s such a  _relief_.  Siproites had always tried to be cheerful, but she’d never realized how much the secret and the doubt had weighed on her.  Before, she’d sort of been going through the motions, but now she feels blissful and free as a default state.

And she’s made so many new friends!  There’s Atlalanta, who’s everyone’s favorite because she’s so brave and strong, and she goes out on her own to adventure sometimes and brings Siproites back trinkets; and Beroe, who’s the oldest and some say she’s a goddess herself, though she doesn’t say much about it and she showed Siproites how to swim better; and Antikleia, with the clever fingers who taught Siproites how to weave; and Cyrene who fought a LION…!!  

And there’s Lady Artemis herself, of course.  And Lady Selene, when she visits.  And Lord Hermes is always so funny, when he comes to deliver a message, and Lord Ares, who frightened Siproites at first but now she sees he’s a heroic gentleman. And even Lord Apollo sort of seems as though he might come around to liking Siproites someday, though he tends to be standoffish with all of Lady Artemis’ retinue (Cyrene is the notable exception).  

And they’re all kind to her, even if Siproites is sort of a silly idiot sometimes, and clumsy and not much use as a hunter yet.  And they never doubt her place in the Grove.  They never question that she’s a woman.  They never make much production of it at all, really – she’s just silly Siproites, the young nymph who’s doing her best to serve the Lady Artemis.

Really, what is there to complain about?  

—— _before_ —–

_Siproites has never been the sort to complain.  She isn’t the sort to say much of anything at all, any more. She had been a jolly child, round and smiling and loving to make others happy._

_Her smile fades gradually as she gets older, and her parents begin to be frustrated as their only son and heir’s failure to turn into the man they envision._

_This is the crux of the problem: everyone thinks he’s a boy.  Siproites has tried explaining it, but her protests aren’t well-received, to say the least._

_“Well, you’re certainly as lazy and foolish as a woman,” his father says of her, often, in response to the one time Siproites had dared to bring it up._

_You’d think that her mother would take some umbrage to her sex being devalued this way, but she is mostly worried that Siproites will never find a wife._

_Siproites doesn’t know what to say to them.  She knows she doesn’t behave the way a man needs to behave.  She tries, for their sake, but it’s always been plain that she’s coming at the boyish behaviors from the wrong angle somehow._

_There’s a doubt, deep in his heart, that she doesn’t ever want to look at too closely, and certainly will never speak aloud.  She has doubts that she’s really her parents’ son – that she’s anyone’s son.  She wonders if mighty Prometheus had ever mistakenly fashioned clay humans with the wrong parts on the wrong body.  Pointless to even think about it – she is how she is, and she can’t change it, and her parents certainly won’t want to hear her doubts._

_So Siproites keeps it inside and says nothing.  In spite of the fact that she’s scorned for behaving like the simpleton, she tries to stay pleasant and cheerful and not think about anything much, since the alternative of_ dwelling on it _threatens to eat her alive._

—-present—

Lord Dionysus has graciously stayed sober for this conversation.  He is somewhat new to the pantheon, and as such he takes any supplications to him very seriously.  Siproites has appealed to him in a lesser-known role: not as the god of madness, or parties, or alcohol; but the champion of those who don’t fit the mold of the gender they were born with.  

Siproites had been very worried about her decision to seek his counsel – most of the tales of Dionysus revolve around drunken orgies with satyrs and maenads that seem to end in someone being dismembered.  It takes all her courage, but – she really wants to talk about this.  About her.  About the fact that she  _is_  a ‘her,’ now.  She’s grateful to everyone in the Grove for accepting her identity, but she wants to talk about it.  And, murders or not, Lord Dionysus was raised as a woman and is equally comfortable with either identity.  He might understand.  

So, a few months of consideration, Siproites decides to be brave and approach the mad god.

At his suggestion, they are having this conversation at the pool of Salmacis.  They’re snacking on chestnuts and figs and honestly, Lord Dionysus is rather friendly and approachable, not at all the terrifying leader of mad and murderous lechers like she’d been afraid of!  He’s been very well-behaved and even brought a wax tablet in case he needed to take notes.

At first, he makes hashes on the tablet in some letters Siproites doesn’t recognize, but as the words pour from her, his hand gradually stills, and he just watches her and listens. His pretty face is mostly neutral and inviting, but there’s a faint crease in the brow.  

After a while, when she pauses, he finally speaks.

“Let me ask you this. What does your best case scenario look like?”

“Uh… I guess… they realize that I wasn’t… a failure?  Maybe they’ll see that, okay, they were right about me being not a great son, but that maybe I’m a good daughter?”

“Sippy, darling, first point, I need to correct you.  You weren’t a failure.  You  _aren’t_  a failure.  Arty doesn’t choose ‘failures’ to be in her retinue.  She only choses the coolest and the most fun. She is one of the highest authorities on cool and fun.  So kindly do your best to dismiss that mistaken idea from your brain.  Second,” he passes her a clean rag so that she can mop at her eyes, because of course she’s started crying a little bit. “Second, even if they came to their senses and realized they were being awful all along, are you planning to go back with them?  To live with them as their daughter?  Married off eventually?”

“…no… I want to stay with Lady Artemis.”

“So, you’re looking for closure, it sounds like.”

“I guess so….it’s a little pointless, isn’t it.”

“Not pointless,” he says kindly.  “Goodness knows, half the things I did in my time as a mortal was about seeking closure with my father.  In my case, it paid off.  But Sippy… if you don’t get closure from your parents, what will you do?”

She thinks about this for a moment.  They watch the pool of Salmacis shimmer in the light.  One of the first points of conversation, when they’d arrived, had been about Hermaphroditus, who had been Lord Dionysus’ first supplicant in this capacity.  According to him, that event had been significantly less sordid than the story’s retellings would indicate.  It had been stressful for both the man and the nymph, and they’d had moments of doubt and fear before finally pressing forward with their decision.  Now, they were thinking of joining the Erotes.  

The conversation had gone on to Lord Dionysus’ own admission that he’d felt doubt and nervousness too, about his identity, in spite of his projection of confidence.  His way of dealing with all of his issues – any of them, not just his gender identity – is to plow forward and make the rest of the world catch up to him.  But he’s admitted it was hard, sometimes, and he’s had moments when he wondered if he would have been happier just going with the flow instead.  But these moments are brief, for Lord Dionysus; because he is who he is, and he won’t change that for anyone.

Siproites knows this will be hard.  It was frightening and confusing for Hermaphroditus and even Lord Dionysus; it will be frightening and confusing, at times, for Siproites.  But across the balance, this is a positive.  She’s happier with herself and with life.  She doesn’t know how her parents will react to this, but she knows she wants to give them the chance to see how mistaken they all were before, and how much better this is now, with Siproites in the world as a woman.

“If they don’t accept me… I guess… I’ll just go back to the Grove and do my best to make Lady Artemis proud,” she decides.  “Same as if they do accept me.  My future is with the Lady, now, I’m absolutely sure.  But I want to give them the chance to see that.”

“Then I’ll support you in that,” Lord Dionysus says, giving her a sideways hug and a chaste kiss to the forehead.  “And for what it’s worth, you’re already doing amazing, sweetie.”

She’s crying again, a little, but she smiles up at him.  “Thank you, Lord Dionysus.  Um, may I ask one final favor?  Please – don’t tell Lady Artemis.  I don’t want her to think I’m ungrateful.”

“I doubt she’d think that, little one, but sure.  My lips are sealed.”  He makes a key-turning gesture at the corner of his mouth.

——- _before_ —–

_Time passes, and in spite of Siproites’ best efforts to punch it down, the secret doubt only grows and grows.  Siproites is determined to stay cheerful, but it’s difficult to say the least._

_All the things that bring her joy, also bring pain.  As a child, she loved playing with her sisters. She allowed the girls to play dress-up with him, styling her hair and painting her face and putting their childish jewelry on him, and when they showed him how she looks in the polished bronze mirror, she had to fight tears at how badly she wanted this._

_Her mother would come in then and snatch the adornments from her body and furiously scrub at her face, muttering that if she wasn’t their only son, their father would surely have thrown her out to the wolves for how useless she is._

_She still does this, in secret.  She goes out to the woods sometimes, to put on the jewelry and attempt to style her hair, and look at her reflection in a pool of water._

_It’s not even these acts that are important to her.  She’s not really that excited about hairstyles and jewelry.  But it’s what the women do.  Siproites often wonders if she’d had any brothers, if perhaps she might have been free to behave differently.  They keep saying it over and over, that she’s their only son and heir.  She needs to start being a man._

_Siproites feels a deep dread every time they say this.  Because what else can she do?  She’s stuck.  She doesn’t have any brothers.  She has to be the son._

_Nothing to do but try to make the best of it.  Be cheerful, be pleasant, try to do the things men do, try not to think too much about what might have been._

——–present——-

Dionysus waits until the little nymph is out of sight before he sighs and slouches back against the tree. He takes out his wineskin and makes a vague gesture behind him.  “Well, Lady Artemis?”

Artemis steps out from hiding and stands beside him, looking annoyed, offended, and slightly baffled. “You’re a noisy, drunken idiot. There’s no way you knew I was back there.”

Dionysus grins at her, not offended.  He’s new to the ranks of the Olympians, sure, but Artemis’ conversational charms are legendary.  “You’re wrong on all four counts, honey.  I’m not noisy or drunk –  at the moment – and I’m not the idiot you take me for.  I knew you were back there because I knew you’d never let your sweetest girl in my presence without keeping your eagle eye on me.”

She sighs and shrugs. “Sippy can be a little naïve.  And she  _is_  my sweetest girl.  She wouldn’t survive ten minutes in one of your wild-ass parties.”

Dionysus can see that he’s going to need to start throwing at least one or two classy, low-key parties, just to prove he has range.  Jeez. You have just a  _couple_  of murder-orgies and everyone thinks that’s, like, your  _thing_.  

But he lets it drop for now. He wants to discuss the nymph. “She’s not going to survive ten minutes back at her family’s house, from the sounds of it.  She didn’t tell you any of that?”

Artemis’ face is stony. “No.  I didn’t realize she felt she had to keep it from me.  Or that she believed she was a failed boy.”

“Don’t hold it against her. It’s pretty confusing shit.  And there’s not a lot of precedent for her to know what to do.”

“Yeah.  I’m not mad at her.”  Artemis finally sits down next to him.  “I’m a  _little_  fucking mad at those two, though.”

“Her parents? Yeah.”  Dionysus takes a long drink.  “I’m no seer, like your brother, but I gotta say, I’m not seeing a best-case scenario panning out for her there.”

“Me either.”

“It’s not even just a matter of her truly being a woman.  They also made her think that’s a bad thing, so it’s not like they’re going to just burst with pride now that she’s happy with herself.  There’s just no way this is going to end well.”  He watches as Artemis helps herself to his figs without asking.  “So I’m gonna follow along when she goes.”

“I will, too – ”

“No, Artemis,” Dionysus says gently (and bravely, in the face of the look she gives him).  “You’d rush in and kill them, and it’s not that I’m against that, but it could be pretty traumatizing for her.  Don’t give her any reason to fear you.  Just be there for her after.  Be her sanctuary.  Let me do the traumatic shit.”  He grins and takes another drink.  “Not a bad idea for me to make a statement on my domain anyway.”

——- _before_ ——

_They cut her hair and she cries about it, because it’s unquestionably boyish now.  Her father slaps her face but even her heart isn’t in it; they’ve all gotten accustomed to effeminate Siproites, the failure, the embarrassment._

_They make her attend school with the other boys.  She learns to write and to count, which is nice, but also to wrestle and to hunt and run.  Even this, she wouldn’t mind, except she balks at the implication:_  This is what boys do.

_The other boys make their bragging talk about girls and women and sex, and this is dizzyingly strange for Siproites.  She feels torn.  She’s uncomfortable with the talk and doesn’t want to participate; yet she’s as intrigued as they are by the idea of ladies and sex.  She tries once to chime in and it’s so horribly, embarrassingly obvious that she’s doing it wrong, that she never speaks up again and they don’t even jeer at her awkwardness, only exclude her and shoot her pitying looks. It all makes her wonder what the hell is wrong with her and despair of ever making sense._

_It’s while she’s unenthusiastically wandering in the woods in search of something manly to shoot with her bow, that she all at once is struck with years of backlogged anxiety and she realizes that this is her life. She’ll always be pretending.  She’ll always feel resentment, she’ll always feel wrong, she’ll always feel lonely.  Always. Because she’s no one’s son, but she has to be, but she_  can’t  _be, but she is and will be_.   _But she isn’t._

_The impossibility of it makes her physically nauseous and she drops her bow abruptly and just wanders, eyes and mind blank.  She has no idea where she’s going or how she’ll get back, and she isn’t thinking about it.  She just can’t make herself care.  What is there to go home to?_

_Part of her knows this is dangerous – she’s a poor woodsman anyway, due to her inattentiveness to her lessons, and if she’s deliberately wandering into the wilderness without even trying…_

_It’s night when she sort of wakes out of the trance of misery. She recognizes nothing around her. She’s cold and she’s hungry and she’s thirsty… well, there’s at least one small piece of good fortune, then.  She can hear the splashing of water nearby. A pool.  She can start there, anyway._

_She heads in that direction, making her way with no difficulties. The moon is shining very brightly overhead tonight, making it easy to see._

———present———

“You couldn’t have just been dead, could you,” her father spits out, bitterly.  “It wasn’t enough that you abandoned us; you had to come back and humiliate the family further.”

There had been a few minutes when Siproites had entertained a hope that the visit would go well.  The first reaction hadn’t been disgust or anger, but surprise and confusion.  It was a totally neutral reaction and she’d thought, perhaps, that this meant the conversation could go in another direction than what she feared.  And even when the anger had kicked in, it was anger about her abandonment, to which she didn’t have much rejoinder.  

It had been months, after all, and she hadn’t let them know what became of her.  It had been too easy for her to forget.  Her life, in the last few months, has been such a whirlwind of excitement and happiness, just being able to be herself and to chase after joy after so long…. She’s enjoyed it, and hasn’t wanted to think about her old life, or this exact confrontation.  

Because after they angrily berate her for abandoning them physically, they finally decide to discuss how she abandoned them  _symbolically_ , by turning into a woman.  As though she’d done it just to bring shame on the family.

“But that’s just it, Papa,” she finds her voice.  “It really had nothing to do with you, all along.  When I was in the woods, I came to a pool of water, and that was when – Lady Artemis, I met her there, and she told me that she could see right away that I had a woman’s heart all along – ”

“Yes,  _daughter_ , we understand.”  From her mother.  It’s the words she’s wanted to hear for so long, but flung at her with so much venom that it makes her start to shake where she’s standing.  “We don’t have a son and never did.  We should have realized a long time ago.”

“But she – made things right!  Things are  _right_ , now!”

“If things were right, we’d have a son to carry on the family.”  Her father shakes his head, as though in deep disbelief.  “To think that you could show your face here again.  Gods, just – just go, back to the woods.”

“All right.” Siproites stands up, feeling distant from herself and from these people.  “All right.  Well, I just wanted to tell you that I’m happy now, and – I won’t be coming back.” They say nothing to this; or at least, if they do, Siproites doesn’t hear it through the fog.

It’s done.  There’s nothing left to say.  They don’t understand her and they feel nothing for her. She’s been rejected and disowned. They’ve made it plain.  

It’s a wrenching knowledge, and Siproites is dimly aware that her heart is going to catch up to her later and it’s going to hurt.  But it’s done, and she can finally say that there’s nothing unresolved now.  Nothing left undone.

She bows, mostly on muscle memory, and leaves the small house, closing the door behind her.

——–

Dionysus watches the nymph leave the house.  He’s leaning against a tree nearby, unseen; the villagers wandering around on their business would only see vines climbing the tree, if they even notice that much.

He considers whether he should drag the entire village into this or not.  After all, they also contributed, in their way, to rejecting the girl.  But he decides against it.  These two unworthy people will do their part of forcing the village to notice.  

He watches as Siproites walks, back straight and head high, into the woods.  The poor kid chose to dress up for this – her dark hair is adorned with some small clips of silver moons, and a simple moon pendant hangs on a chain between her breasts.  She’s wearing the ankle-length chiton that mostly women wear, even though every other time Dionysus has seen her, she seems to prefer the knee-length.  She even got hold of a corded girdle that she must have borrowed from one of the other nymphs.  She must have really wanted to make a statement today.  

It breaks his heart to think of the girl trying to look her loveliest, only to be met with such hostility. He considers going after her, to tell her how fucking proud he is of her, but he knows that Artemis is lurking just beyond the treeline and she’s really the better person to welcome Sippy back. Dionysus will meet up with her later.

For now, he enters the house that Siproites has just left.  

The two older people within are still slouched where they must have been sitting while they were talking to their child.  They have pinched, unhappy faces and it’s clear they’re about to start some kind of epic bitching session, but Dionysus’ entrance interrupts whatever they were going to say.

“Your daughter,” he says without preamble, “is one of my people.  She, like me, cannot fit into the mold that Prometheus made for her. She will walk beside me as we seek others; she can shine as an inspiration to them.

“But I cannot claim her as a follower, because she serves the goddess Artemis.  She was chosen by the Lady for her personal retinue.  It is truly a great honor.”  

Up to this point, the two individuals are giving him an odd look, because he of course hasn’t introduced himself.  When he speaks of Prometheus and Artemis, their expressions begin to change, finally – too late – starting to catch on.  They’ll figure it out wholly in a moment; possibly the last thing they do figure out.

Dionysus’ handsome features have been carefully held in a pleasantly neutral expression; but now, he allows a grin to form on his face.  It is absolutely not pleasant.

“Truly a great honor,” he repeats, raising one hand, his staff gripped tight, “…you’d have to be mad not to see it.”

—————

Artemis is pacing back and forth in the trees, waiting for Sippy to come back.  For a while, Apollo and Hermes had been hanging around with her, but Artemis’ irritation had sent them fleeing before long.  

She is fiercely protective of her girls.  All the gods have learned this by now – the hard way, in some cases.  She has no compunctions about beating the shit out of any of them if necessary.  And even when her girls leave her, as they sometimes do, Artemis always sends them off with a kiss, and a discreet but brutal shovel talk to the paramour.  Artemis will  _always_  be their sanctuary.

Sippy’s taking too long. Those fuckers probably already sold her into a marriage with some asshole.  Or they’ve killed her, maybe; some bullshit about ‘family honor.’  Yeah, she knows Dionysus is down there, but the wait is killing her.

And then – there she is.

Siproites is stumbling a little as she makes her way through the woods.  The girl’s wearing an impractically long chiton, not much good for treading through the underbrush.  It looks beautiful on her, along with the jewelry and girdle; but one glance at the red and tear-streaked face tells Artemis that the effort was wasted.

Artemis hurries over to her, and realizes all at once that she has no idea what to say in the face of the girl’s misery.  She wouldn’t say the Olympic family is without its flaws, but there has never, ever been a time when Artemis was denied her identity.  She isn’t sure what could possibly be an appropriate thing to say to Siproites now.

So she’s uncharacteristically hesitant when she approaches the girl (who starts at the approach; this kid is awful at woodsmanship).  

“Uh – Sippy, hey – are you…okay?” she asks, feeling like an asshole because obviously Sippy isn’t okay.

To her surprise, Siproites throws her arms around Artemis, hugging the goddess fiercely.  Artemis is briefly too shocked to respond; this is the first time Siproites has done this.  Prior to now, she’s been mostly worshipfully distant with Artemis.

But, hell, Artemis can give a hug, if that’s what Sippy needs.  She gathers the young nymph into her arms and rubs her back, making nonsensical soothing noises as she does so.  

“Sweetie – seriously – are you all right?  I was worried – do you need me to – ” she trails off.  ‘Do you need me to murder anyone’ is definitely not the right thing to say, even if it’s kind of her forte.  

“No, Lady, I just – please – let’s just go home,” Siproites chokes out, still crying into Artemis’ chiton.

Artemis is briefly confused: didn’t she just leave…?  But then, of course, she realizes.

She hugs Siproites tightly, then gives her a quick kiss on the cheek and smooths her hair before straightening up and taking her hand.

“I’m really glad I ever found you that day,” Siproites sniffles.

“Me too, Sippy,” Artemis replies, as they start back to the Grove.


End file.
